healing from trauma

Shadows of the Past

Happy Halloween, Ladies and Gents! I hope everything has been going well for you all because things have been going smoothly for this little monkey 🙂 In any case, I figured I’d talk about something a bit spooky considering how it’s that time of year. So strap in and journey with me to a past filled with darkness and shadows…


The day was coming to a close, and the Sun departs as darkness fills the air to reveal the shadowy void resting beyond my windowpane. Thankfully a nearby streetlamp illuminates enough outside to offer some comfort, and isn’t long until I feel the need to lie down as my eyes close swiftly to embrace their long, overdue rest. But something stirs me. It is almost as though I cannot help but feel an overwhelming sense that I am being watched.

So I shift in my bed as the sheets tug and pull while I halfheartedly ignore the irregular rhythm of my racing heart. Thump thump, thump thump. My lungs follow in suit as they barely raise while my throat muscles clench and pull as if to drag me down into a cramped space which offers little room to relax. I shift once more while my mind begins to race, although I do not know why I suffer at this moment in time.

But then I turn and see it. The source of my fear that shatters any remaining reassurance that I am safe. What exactly do I see? To be honest, I am unsure because all my eyes witness is a silhouette as black as the abyss drenched across the landscape beyond the walls of my room. It stares back at me with no eyes, no visible features, yet it stands right outside my window as it peers with a blankness that moves my heart and tightens my chest.

I figure I must be dreaming before raising my hands to rub my eyes, while thinking it will all be over as soon as I lower them. I then look back and see nothing once again, and I close my eyes but I am still plagued by the overwhelming sensation that I am not alone. So I crack my eyelids slightly to scan my room, however I wish I hadn’t because the figure is now clearly standing at the foot of my bed. This peculiar, featureless, and imposing shadow seemingly stands just inches away from my feet while it continues peering into my quivering gaze.

The experience itself is so out of place and downright frightening that I find myself unable to process what is happening, let alone to move and respond accordingly. After all, it’s not every night one finds themselves staring at an unknown figure standing guard in what is supposed to be a safe haven for rest and relaxation. So once again I ponder whether or not lowering my eyelids will help, and I do just that before raising them slightly to prove to myself that my imagination is simply running amok.

By now the figure is no longer standing near my feet, but I see that it has moved atop my chest while its hands stretch out and clench my throat. Thump thump, THUMP THUMP. My heart thrashes as my lungs heave for air, and I instinctively attempt to raise my arms and legs to throw the shadowy form off my bed. But I can’t! I find myself unable to move, defenseless, and passing out as I feel nothing besides the rushing numbness that has overtaken my dread and fear.

I then open my eyes to find there is no figure atop my chest, and likewise there is nothing out of the the ordinary happening nearby. However, I still find that I am unable to move anything besides my eyes while I look to see that my hands are attempting to grab something or someone near my throat even though they are locked in that position. Minutes go by and I struggle to move while thoughts cloud my mind, pulses throb my chest, and little air passes through my nostrils.

I eventually find that I regain the ability to move and raise my diaphragm so my lungs can fill with enough oxygen to know I am alive, but I only find myself wondering just what in the hell happened. Was it real? Imagined? I wasn’t sure until I researched that which I could not forget so easily…

According to Wikipedia:

Sleep paralysis is a phenomenon in which an individual, either during falling asleep or awakening, briefly experiences an inability to move, speak, or react. This is a transitional state between wakefulness and sleep, characterized by an inability to move muscles. It is often accompanied by terrifying hallucinations to which one is unable to react due to paralysis…These hallucinations often involve a person or supernatural creature suffocating or terrifying the individual, accompanied by a feeling of pressure on one’s chest and difficulty breathing.

Does that sound like fun? Well it’s not, and I know because I used to struggle with the aforementioned issue. In fact, I go into more detail about this in my first book entitled Blessings from Our Mother which is available for free. So download it and remember to sleep well 🙂

Free E-Books (2) covering Narcissism, CPTSD, Healing

Ladies and Gents, The Nightmare


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