New Life

Howdy y’all! It’s been a while and I’ve honestly shown reticense towards writing as of late because I’ve been (thankfully) picking up more hours with work, practicing martial arts, working out, and resting when I have down time. I.e. I’ve been saying I’ll get back in the groove of writing regularly, although those words haven’t really produced much of anything since they’re typically followed up by “I’ll get to it later.”

All in all things have been going so well that I’ve simply been taking care of the aforementioned responsibilities, and I’ve been loving every bit of it. Kuk Sool Won (martial arts) has been exposing physical weaknesses and pushing me to my current limits, which I know will improve overtime the more I pursue the practice. What specifically, some of you may be wondering? Two words. Hip flexors…

Seriously! I’ve spent years sitting at desks while playing games for hours on end, and it shows nowadays because kicking and attempting stretches that resemble the splits destroyed my inner thighs for a couple of weeks. Thankfully they’re healed, and I used a combination of ice packs, anti-inflammatory cream, and Kinesio tape to relieve the pain and improve the range of motion for the lower half of my body.

So what are the best reasons for practicing martial arts (in my opinion from the experience I’ve gained thus far)? Well it really comes down to developing muscle control and body awareness, which are practically nonexistent for those who struggle with issues like CPTSD considering how one basically spends most of their time in their head in order to figure out just what in the hell is going on. Especially when a flashback overwhelms ya…

Now working out has even slowed down because I had been going at least once a day, but recently I’ve been going every two to three days in order to rest and recuperate. After all, I’ve been focused on strength training by performing deadlifts, squats, and the good ‘ole bench press. The best part is that I’ve been making gains and steadily increasing the weight overtime. I’m no where near what some guys can lift, but I’m happy where I’m at and where I’m headed.

Current deadlift max (210 lbs.), squat max (150 lbs.), bench max (150 lbs.), and my weight/height is 140 lbs/5’8. Like I said, not the best but I’m improving because my starting deadlift max was 180 lbs., squat max was 100 lbs., and bench max was 100 lbs. just a month ago. By the way, check out these Youtube channels if you’re interested in exercising with good mentors/programs:  Athlean-X is a licensed physical therapist who educates his viewers on how the body works so one can get the best results when they work it out, while Alan Thrall has great videos showing the dynamics of utilizing proper form when strength training. Check em out!

But there’s one more thing I’ve been working on that’s really been moving mountains in my life, and I’ll be honest and upfront by saying it’s something really personal and private. What is it? Two words: porn and masturbation. Now for the past 10+ years I’ve used them both to literally substitute any physical desire to be with another human being because in all honesty I didn’t have the means or understanding to develop an intimate relationship with another person. Plus, sex was always a taboo subject in my household.

My bio dad/mom practically shamed me for discovering the two in my teens as opposed to telling me about anything sexual. Hell, they even pulled me out of sex-ed in grade school. So it’s not a wonder I resorted to using the two whenever I could because porn and masturbation were the only ways I knew how to release those racing hormones throughout my teens.

However, I’ve really been noticing how little that combination helps me out because talk about flooding my head with negative thoughts! Seriously. Watching porn and masturbating might provide a temporary fix with a rushing current of endorphans, but it doesn’t do much for empowering me to interact with others. So what are the benefits of abstaining from said activities?

Well for starters, I’m not thinking about sex all of the time or looking at the body parts of others while fantasizing about whatever comes to mind. I.e. I can interact with people and genuinely engage them without having to shoo away sexual thoughts. This in turn means I’m becoming more grounded, present, confident, and better equipped to keep my thoughts pure. Now don’t get me wrong, porn is exciting and masturbating feels great because you don’t have to deal with others or risk getting a disease.

But then again, it can potentially prevent you from developing intimate relations with someone who can actually connect with you physically and more importantly mentally and spiritually. I’d prefer the latter to be honest. It served a place and purpose for a time, but I know I’ll just be holding myself back in terms of growth and development if I continue performing the same habits I’ve upheld for a majority of my life.

So here’s to starting a new life! And did you notice I haven’t even talked about overcoming flashbacks? Well that’s because I’m actually functioning without having to deal with them altogether. I.e. this new life is riddled with so much normalcy that I’m just enjoying what I’m creating as each day passes.

Peace and blessings!

Ladies and Gents, let’s create a Monument for living!

Free E-Books (2) covering Narcissism, CPTSD, Healing

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